Changes

It's odd, really. A few weeks ago I blogged about how terrified i was to lose you. Now, I'm not so sure. I mean, the way things go with me i could change again in a second. I hope not. It's easier this way. The more time passes, the more I'm hit with the reality of YOU. YOU. Who can be selfish and unforgiving and hateful. YOU. Who claimed my oldest as your own, and now blames her for the bad relationship with your 17 yo. YOU. Who will take the opportunity to place blame anywhere but yourself unless there's no way out. YOU. Who is capable of implying that our oldest is basically devil's spawn. YOU. Who never really treated her fairly, yet made sure to throw up in her face ALL you've done for her. You've never wanted to understand how, as a child, she had to face the divorce of her father and me and gain a whole new family...which was a rude awakening to both of us. She needed a dad...and out of a father and a step father, she had NONE. How can it be so easy to not make peace. To NOT love. To disown a daughter who needs a dad. I am speechless at the thought of you. You disgust me. I say life's too short, you think I'm an idiot. No. YOU. You're the idiot. I hate to feel this way. I hate to feel the contempt and disgust that I feel and i will pray for it to get better. I pray for God to open up your heart to your daughter and accept responsibilty for your own despicable actions. I'm not perfect. But i try and I pray and i thank the good Lord every day for my 3 beautiful daughters. You need a kick in the hiney. YOU. I pray for.....